Rough Seas

Today I awoke to find all four of the cats sitting on my back.

"What's going on?" I asked, suddenly alarmed to find that my bed was not a bed at all but a vast ocean.

"You are our boat, human!" they cried. And out came the oars and the tiny flag hat which they put on my head.

"Guys, really? It's not even a weekend..."

I wasn't entirely sure they were listening, as they had started in unison to recite 'The Owl and the Pussy Cat' and I wondered what on earth owls had to do with it.

"Steady on!" I said as we hit a particularly large wave. "Oh, come on, what are the cannons for?!"

Cat got your tongue?

Today Sheba and I were talking about grooming.

"It must be pretty exhausting," I commented, "Having to keep your whole body clean with your tongue."

"That depends entirely on whose tongue you are using," she told me.

 

"RIGHT I don't want to know!" I snapped. I was plagued for the rest of the day by the disturbing turn of the conversation and was thankful it hadn't continued.

Internet Grammar

Today Smudge informed me that all incorrect grammar on the internet is the result of cats.

"I really can't believe that you are responsible for such a widespread atrocity," I said.

He looked up at me, an age old wisdom in his eyes. "Human," he said, "We can be responsible for whatever we believe we are."

A few moments passed.

"Responsibility doesn't mean regret," I remarked with suspicion.

"Certainly not, human," he replied, "Certainly not."

Dawn Chorus

Today the cats started up a barber shop quartet outside my bedroom door.

"Ok guys, I love you," I said, "But seriously, it's 5am and you are ruining my life..."